All tests, checks and balances have been conducted; all results are in. The bladder biopsy showed negative; the bone scan showed clear; the CT scan indicated no lymph node activity. My overall condition remains as it was, of course, and the treatment process will begin shortly. But that all-important (indeed, crucial) pair of states, knowledge and understanding are in place and with them a sense of clarity replaces the clouds of unknowing that so effectively obscured confidence and functional capacity. So the business of ‘staying alive’ becomes a plausible process once again and purpose and enterprise are restored. Anxiety will dominate my days and nights for as long as that cycle of light and dark continues for me. But when made subject to knowledge and understanding, it’s manageable.
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